My neighbors are the kind of people that would have double-hiccup/grunt sex

Before I begin I would like to note that this post was inspired by one of my favorite bloggers & one sassy girl... check out the post that started it all: Sex:101.

Meet Kevin: Kevin is tall. He wears these every single day.

Seriously, everyday... including when it's snowing. He might weigh less than I do, which is pathetic. Every morning, Kevin wakes up, puts on the same pair of black mesh Adidas shorts with white stripes and goes outside to water his lawn. Actually, he waters the same spot for literally 15 minutes, even when its raining. Did I mention that the grass is perfectly fine? I'm not actually sure if he has a job because he is ALWAYS home. Kevin never has friends over, but I have seen his mother visit twice.

Kevin is married. Hiw wife is about 2.5 feet shorter than he is. She has blond hair. I don't know her name, come to think of it i've never actually heard her speak. We'll call her Mute Blonde. I think Mute Blonde works at a bank, at least that's what my nosey 13-year-old-sister told me. Like Kevin, she has a great sense of style. She wears black dress pants and a cardigan to work and changes into yoga pants & a cami when she gets home. Hey, at least she switches up the color of the yoga pants, right? Mute Blonde waters the "lawn spot" in the evening, after she gets home from work. Yes, she also waters it in the rain. I have never seen her friends of family over.

I have never heard Kevin speak to Mute Blonde. I have also never seen them touch each other/show affection. I mean, don't get me wrong... they obviously speak to each other, I've just never actually seen it happen. Kevin and Mute Blonde are probably somewhere around 26ish years old. They should be having a great time in bed, alas, the above leads me to believe their sex life sucks.

I wonder how they met. If it was magical & they knew they were soul mates... what types of dates they went on. I wonder how he proposed, and whether she said yes or wrote it on a post it note since she doesn't speak in public. They just seem so boring & weird...do you think they realize they are boring & weird? And for the love of God, what is the deal with the lawn spot? It's almost winter... the grass is going to die anyways.