The Work Diaries - Entry 3

So I'm sitting at my desk staring at my new "office pet": A gorgeous blue beta fish, floating around happily in his tank. I got him 2 days ago, after I decided my desk was too empty. The entire office sat down to pick a name for him. It was between Cheeseburger and Godzilla. After about an hour of arguing, we finally decided on Grundlestiltzkin.

But anyways, im sitting at my desk, watching the fish hide in his aquatic plants, eating my sandwich and listening to Bob Marley when this guy walks in.

We'll call him Bryan, with a y not Brian with an i. Bryan looks like hes about 24, tall, skinny, and extremely flamboyant. Hes got on Dolce & Gabanna sunglasses, probably womens, True Religion jeans, an LV shirt and a hat thing from Banana Republic. Bryan has a higher pitched voice then I do. He is also toting around a tiny brown chihuahua in a pink sweater named Coco. Coco is a boy. His nails were painted pink. Coco is probably gay too.

Im so interested in this duo that I totally don't notice Bryan is carring a tall plastic container. So I start the usual conversation, trying to figure out why Bryan is bothering me while im trying to eat my sandwich when he just puts his hand up and says "Uh-no. SHUT UP."

He walks over to me and slams the plastic container down on my desk. I roll over closer to examine it and look down.

What did I find? A giant...

And yes, it was alive and crawling around in all of its supreme grossness. I fucking hate bugs. Thank god Bryan didnt just walk in here with a centipede because shit would have hit the fan.

I think I might have spit out half of my sandwich at him after I realized what his little surprise was.

Then, Bryan says, "Yeah, I like totally fucking thought so. Yesterday, this crawled over my face! Do you know how ICKY that is? OMG I soaked in a tub for like an hour and I still feel gross! EWWWWW! Im leaving this here and going home. Call the exterminator, and make sure hes at my apartment in like an hour or I will SCREAM!"

And so, Bryan turned on his heel and he and Coco stormed out, leaving the cockroach on my desk.

Luckily, Harold... may favorite maintenance guy witnessd the whole thing and disposed of the roach for me. (he also complimented me on my hair today. He is Puerto Rican and sounds like Antonio Banderas, and I love him.)