Weddings, Gin, & Cabbage Boobs

So I've finally had some time to myself after a very looooong weekend/week. I'll recap the last week or so with a list-- because I love them.

• Friday: R and I had plans to meet his sister and her boyfriend in Sandusky around 1. That morning, my mom (Hanna) and I drove out to Avon to talk to a catering company about ordering a couple dishes for the wedding. The pain in the ass 40 min trip turned out be a success. On the way back home, Hanna thought it would be a good idea to stop at the mall to do some mother/daughter bonding. Well who am I to refuse? So we stopped and shopped and we ended up home an hour and a half later then we had planned. Naturally, R was livid that I was late... blah blah blah. I tried to explain that I got him a really nice outfit for his stepsister's wedding we were going to that weekend ($100 dress pants for $16.50, how can you beat that?) but he was not having it. So he was mad and pouty and then he got over it, because he always does and we finally made it to Sandusky. That night, we went to Cedar Point which was awesome. The lines were super short! We stopped at Walmart on our way back to the hotel room to stock up on the 5 basic food groups: chips, candy, cheap wine, beer, and advil. We ate. We Drank. We went to bed.

• Saturday: We all woke up and went to breakfast with R's dad. Then spent the day hanging out outside at the pool, mainly because it was heated and had a swim up bar. We got ready and went to the wedding. It might have been the shortest ceremony I have ever seen. Literally 3 minutes... IF that. But, the bride was beautiful, the groom was handsome and the reception was open bar. This is were I reunite with my ex- gin... somehow he manages to follow me to the karaoke bar we went to after the reception. We have a great time. Fast forward to the cab ride back to the hotel. Everyone is drunk. R's sister was a train wreck. She can barely walk, shes slurring, crying, throwing up on everything, etc. We get her back to the hotel and somehow manage to undress her--I have now officially seen my future sister in law naked. We manage to get her to sleep and then pass out ourselves.

• Sunday: R and I wake up, and we immediately regret it. But unfortunately we have to drive back home so we can go to our Pre Cana catholic marriage thing. You have to do it or you can't get married. I'm really hating gin at this point- splitting headache, aching body, basically worst hangover ever. We go to this marriage thing which was basically married couples with a minimum of 6 children telling us about natural family planning. I am still convinced it was just another way for the church to recruit for the catholic army. All they want is your money and spawn. But anyways, we manage to get through the torture and go home and pass the fuck out.
  

• The rest of the week is really dull so I will give you the abridged version: Work, errands, wedding stuff, and wishing I still had a life.

Today I finally had a chance to catch up on reading blogs and I just have to share this post by Lisa at Lemon Gloria. Lisa just had a baby (Congrats) and she has the most hilarious stories about life after her pregnancy. Her most recent post was about breastfeeding. Shes mentioned that she had found a remedy for engorged breasts that involved putting cabbage leaves. Naturally, I just had to check this out becuase it sounds ridiculous. Here are the details via mother-2-mother.com:

To use cabbage compresses for engorgement:

Wash a fresh head of green cabbage and place cabbage in refrigerator to chill. Just before use, crush the veins with a rolling pin or similar object or slice off the tops of the "veins" with a sharp knife, whatever makes the leaves shape to your breast most easily.

Drape one or two leaves over each breast, covering ALL of the engorged area. Leave on until they become wilted, about 20 to 30 minutes. Repeat three or four times within a 24 hour period, or until engorgement subsides. This will usually be within one to two days. If the engorgement is severe, compresses can be used as often as every 4 hours, but care should be taken as there is indication that cabbage leaves can work TOO well and end up reducing mother’s milk supply.

I'd really like to know who is responsibly for this remedy and how they discovered it. And no, those are not my boobs.

As it turns out, gin is poison

Dear World,

I am so hungover. This morning, I decided that I'm going to have to breakup with beefeater. I promise, I will post later when the pounding in my head stops, and I regain feeling in my body.

xoxo

For the Love of Lauren Conrad

I'm sure you all have seen this beauty on bookstore shelves near you. Whatever LC, you are no fashion designer, celebrity and you are most certainly not an author.

Today, I take a stroll through my favorite store of all time, Borders and discover:


are you fucking serious?

It's Just one of Those Days

Right now, I wish I could put everything hold for oh, say, forever and just lay around on my bed in my underwear litsening to the rain with bob marley on repete.

If only it was that easy, right? Tonight, R and I have to go to a dinner with some of the doctors he works with. I believe that his coworkers will be in attencance as well. I'm not really a fan of most of them. On the upside, we are going to a brewery... on the downside, we are going to a brewery. I love beer, but it does me dirty.

Sorry for being so blah. I've just been so tired lately. Maybe it's the weather, maybe its the 6 hours I spent last night tying 200ish bows on wedding bubbles, maybe its my guest list which is spiraling out of control. Can anyone explain how I went from 250 guests to 330 guests? I'm not even really sure I know 330 people. Oh well...

The good news is: R and I got the vases for our short centerpieces for $1 each. I'll reveal that surprise later, darlings :)

I'm also looking forward to this weekend. I took Friday and Sunday off. R and I will be spending most of the weekend in Sandusky with his sister and her beau. Friday we will all be hanging out lakeside and later on we are going to Cedar Point, which is a pretty cool amusement park. Saturday, we are going to his step sisters. Unfortunately, Sunday R and I have to go to this Pre Cana thing catholic people have to go to so they can get married. Im not so sure spending the day with religious fanatics is such a good idea after a wedding.

Luckily, God hates me already so he should understand, Thanks G-Man.

So until then, I'm here in the office, listening to "three little birds" wishing I was lounging around somewhere far, far, away in my underwear.

I dream of...

...Zombies??

Yes, you heard right. Last night, I had a dream nightmare that Zombies took over the world and were chasing me. Of course, like in all nightmares I was never able to get away.

Clearly, this is a sign... either I really should wear those Zombie Heels under my dress, or this was Michael Jackson's way of telling me that my bridesmaids and I need to dance to thriller at my wedding.

I'm thinking probably both.

Wedding Shoes

I love shoes. I've never met a girl who doesn't. But how does a girl decide on the perfect shoes for the perfect day? Apparently by searching the internet for 23057237 hours.

Here's my issue...
R is around 5'11''
I am around 5'7"
A killer pair of heels is around 5"

Put it all together and I end up being as tall or sometimes taller that R which I absolutely, positively, will not allow. ever.

Not that is really matters because my dress is long and poofy and you will never be able to see my shoes. But that's not the point. The point is: I still want to wear a fabulous pair of shoes with bright colors and weird designs that are totally not traditional at all!

While I would love to wear some crazy, make your ass look like its on a pedestal stilettos... I simply cannot. Yes, I know they have shoes with smaller heels... but those are just weird. Midget heels? ewww.

So, I must sadly wave goodbye to the Lanvin Sequened Heels, the Christian Dior Feather Slingback, the Zombie Stomper Platform Peep-Toes, the Christian Louboutin Trash Shoes, the Green Leopard Print Peep-Toes the Miu Miu Sequened Splendor, and the Lamborghini Heels.

I will probably have to settle for these :(

The Work Diaries - Entry 3

So I'm sitting at my desk staring at my new "office pet": A gorgeous blue beta fish, floating around happily in his tank. I got him 2 days ago, after I decided my desk was too empty. The entire office sat down to pick a name for him. It was between Cheeseburger and Godzilla. After about an hour of arguing, we finally decided on Grundlestiltzkin.

But anyways, im sitting at my desk, watching the fish hide in his aquatic plants, eating my sandwich and listening to Bob Marley when this guy walks in.

We'll call him Bryan, with a y not Brian with an i. Bryan looks like hes about 24, tall, skinny, and extremely flamboyant. Hes got on Dolce & Gabanna sunglasses, probably womens, True Religion jeans, an LV shirt and a hat thing from Banana Republic. Bryan has a higher pitched voice then I do. He is also toting around a tiny brown chihuahua in a pink sweater named Coco. Coco is a boy. His nails were painted pink. Coco is probably gay too.

Im so interested in this duo that I totally don't notice Bryan is carring a tall plastic container. So I start the usual conversation, trying to figure out why Bryan is bothering me while im trying to eat my sandwich when he just puts his hand up and says "Uh-no. SHUT UP."

He walks over to me and slams the plastic container down on my desk. I roll over closer to examine it and look down.

What did I find? A giant...

And yes, it was alive and crawling around in all of its supreme grossness. I fucking hate bugs. Thank god Bryan didnt just walk in here with a centipede because shit would have hit the fan.

I think I might have spit out half of my sandwich at him after I realized what his little surprise was.

Then, Bryan says, "Yeah, I like totally fucking thought so. Yesterday, this crawled over my face! Do you know how ICKY that is? OMG I soaked in a tub for like an hour and I still feel gross! EWWWWW! Im leaving this here and going home. Call the exterminator, and make sure hes at my apartment in like an hour or I will SCREAM!"

And so, Bryan turned on his heel and he and Coco stormed out, leaving the cockroach on my desk.

Luckily, Harold... may favorite maintenance guy witnessd the whole thing and disposed of the roach for me. (he also complimented me on my hair today. He is Puerto Rican and sounds like Antonio Banderas, and I love him.)

How do you know if...

...your really in love?

tonight, I drink wine straight from the bottle.

September 09 Goals

Happy September all you beautiful people! In honor of a new month and a new season (fall happens to be my fav.), I've decided to try something new, which I borrowed from Margarita at Ramblings of a Fab Brunette.


FYI- This is the first blog I started reading, back before I had my own and I love it! The name "Fab" DOES NOT do it justice, so be sure to pay Margarita a visit and see for yourself.

Alright, no more stalling... lets see what I have cookin for September...

• Actually get up when my alarm goes off. R and I have really terrible habit of pressing snooze oh about-- 16 times every morning, hence the alarm goes off at 5:40am (see goal 2) and we don't leave the house until 8:10am. So, this month I am going to try and force myself to become a morning person.
• Go to the gym 5x a week. Hopefully, 3 of these will be in the morning around 6:00am, which is the whole point of the alarm going off so early. R and I have a gym membership that we really suck at using. I've had enough and declared we are getting back into shape! (R's aiming for 3 times a week... he wants to "ease into it", BUM)
• Read 2 Books. This is out of the norm for me because I read alot. But with the wedding right around the corner, I have a feeling I'm not going to be reading as much as I'd like.
• Cook Dinner 4x a week. The other 3 days we will be feasting on dinner a la my mom, who happens to be a chef. Sharing a kitchen with that woman is truly painful. Everytime I try and make something its all "wrong! wrong! wrong!" Too much oil, not enough salt, and what's that I smell burning? I swear im not a complete tragedy in the kitchen, she just has very high standards.
• Revamp mine and R's resumes. There are exciting things in the future... like applying for jobs in Florida and moving if we each land one. Plus, I need a place to put all the goodies I got from the bridal shower, and more importantly I need to get out of my parents house! The key to a good job is a good resume, any suggestions?

Well I think thats pretty good start, after the wedding when I can finally stop worrying about worrying I think it will be alot easier to focus on more goals. Until then, wish me luck loves!